I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
