Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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