What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
