my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The chlamydia really affected his face.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize