Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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