i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
time to smoke my breakfast
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
