worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
