we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
