things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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