im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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