New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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