giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's just like the Real World with babies
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
