I molested 6 butterflies tonight
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
