I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
