I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
