Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
