It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
