This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
