i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm having to shit out rocks
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
