apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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