Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
