I wanna bring you to show and tell
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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