Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
