There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
