My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
