it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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