I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize