I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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