her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
