Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Everything about him screamed your future.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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