margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
