everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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