it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
