Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
