I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize