I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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