what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
