does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
