I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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