The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
