There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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