the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
