I look better un-naked...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize