drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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