Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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