found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
