my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
