i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
