You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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