This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
