I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
soo... how was my night?
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