I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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