i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
