You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
