I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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