Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
