I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
