SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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