i already hear my dad disowning me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
