It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
