I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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