i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
