So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
