We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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