Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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